It may look like I haven’t posted in a while (because I haven’t). I’ll be working on a few things soon so hold onto your butts my faithful readers (do I have faithful readers?). In the meantime, check out some baked goods with a pinch of sass.

If these articles had been published any later, I’d have accused them of stealing my idea. Alas, I was beaten to the punch. I will accept defeat, however, as The Burger Register has provided Philadelphians and New Yorkers with concise yet comprehensive lists of the best burgers in their respective cities. Not only do they tell you where to go, but they have the inside scoop on the blend of meats used, type of roll, and available cheeses and toppings. The slideshows alone are enough to get me all antsy in my pantsy.

Thank you New York Magazine and Grub Street.

Throughout my travels, I’ve come to notice that very few restaurants are serving up ground-chuck-only burgers. Sirloin has made an appearance in my two favorites so far (Corner Bistro and 8oz), as well as the best burger I’ve had in Philly (the soon to be reviewed Angus burger at the Royal Tavern). And I’ve started to see some short rib and brisket around town as well. But if you’re looking for something new and deliciously exciting – or if you just want a quick lesson on meat variety – then check out the inaugural post at The Burger Lab, a new feature from burger-blog-extraordinaire A Hamburger Today.

While you’re reading, I’ll be at SuperFresh looking for oxtail.

It was only recently that I discovered the beauty that is a medium-rare burger. For years I toiled in the dark recess of the medium world, not knowing how much I was missing. But a few recent experiences have left me second-guessing my new selection. Luckily for the rest of you, Epicurious has posted a How-To Guide on when and where to go medium rare. Read on and enjoy.

Ever felt ashamed that you can’t tell the difference between a slider and a mini? Don’t understand why some burgers are smashed while others are steamed? Well do yourself a favor and check out A Hamburger Today’s Guide to Hamburger and Cheeseburger Styles. My new love Corner Bistro gets a mention, and Philly’s own Good Dog Bar (man, I really have to get back there soon) gets some photographic appreciation in the “cheese-stuffed” category.

Philly food/entertainment blog Foobooz recently compiled a list of what’re believed to be the 50 best bars in Philadelphia. While it included such Here’s the Beef favorites as the Royal Tavern and the Good Dog Bar (not reviewed yet), the list did generate enough controversy to warrant a follow-up post. If you’re looking for a good time, check the links.

I recently had an altercation with a super-sandwich that could easily be mistaken for a tank. My fellow Philadelphia food-bloggers at Unbreaded were gracious enough to post it up for your enjoyment. Check her out here and show the sandwich world a little love.

Corner Bistro, West Village – 331 W 4th St, New York NY 10014 (Find it!)

The second leg of the tour was a little better suited to my pursuit of cheeseburger perfection. Recommended by a good friend and faithful reader, Corner Bistro in Manhattan has been around since the 1820s and has become well known in the city for its tasty (and relatively cheap at $6.75) burgers. My expectations were high after reading several positive reviews online, though I tried to keep them tempered so as not to have another Bridgeview experience. The end result was one of the best dining experiences I have ever had, and Corner Bistro now sits atop my list of all-time favorite burgers.

Easy to miss, Corner Bistro is located on a corner in the West Village of Manhattan, one of dozens of restaurants to choose from in a posh neighborhood full of good-looking people with expensive tastes. From the outside it looks like any other olde tyme bar, updated only with a simple neon sign hanging above the main door. The brick walls, dark wood floors, and dim lighting add a sophisticated charm and I immediately felt as though I could hang out there all night. And I would have stayed all night just for the ambiance and company (read: beer) had I not already known of the magic taking place in the kitchen. After a drink at the bar, we were told our table was ready and made our way into the smallish dining room in the back. Sitting down, I realized there were no menus; just a tile board on the wall listing the nine items they offer (four of which are burgers). For us, six Bistro Burgers (bacon cheeseburgers) and a few sides of fries, followed by the most difficult wait of my life.

After about 10 minutes our burgers arrived. The simplicity of the presentation was a pleasant surprise. Sitting on a paper plate, the sandwich was stacked high on a sesame-seed bun that looked like it could have been from a grocery store. The 9oz patty was extremely thick and topped with American cheese and nicely curled bacon. I piled on the LTO, took the first bite, and saw stars. It’s actually hard to describe the greatness of this burger. The meat was cooked to a perfect medium-rare all the way through. It was firm and held together nicely, but had such a buttery texture and flavor that it began melting in my mouth (similar to 8oz – both burgers include sirloin as a main ingredient). No glitz or glamour here,  just a well made and perfectly cooked burger. It took a few more luxurious bites to actually get all the components at once, and the combination of those flavors and textures left me short of breath. The bacon was crispy without being brittle. The lettuce, tomato, and onion were layered just right. The bun was a very simple seeded hamburger roll, but was the perfect compliment to everything inside it. It had a firm texture almost like the inside of a soft pretzel, but was small enough that it didn’t overshadow the meat. It held on until just before the last bite, which is good enough for me. After each mouthful, I stopped only long enough to express my utter infatuation with the Bistro Burger and already began planning my next trip to NYC. I inhaled the rest, only then realizing I had a platter of crispy, thin-sliced fries to finish as well. Thank you Corner Bistro.

Here’s the Beef: I have no beef with the Bistro Burger. It has set the bar against which all my future culinary adventures will be measured, and I am happy to pass this experience along to others. As a bonus Corner Bistro would be a great hangout spot even without the food. Though a little light on real estate, the unaffected atmosphere lends itself to a satisfying experience all around.

BURGER: 9 out of 10

ESTABLISHMENT: 8 out of 10

Bridgeview Diner, Brooklyn – 9011 3rd Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11209 (Find it!)

I’ll get this out of the way now: I’m not going to wax poetic about the Bridgeview Diner. I added it to the itinerary of my New York City Burger Tour (do two stops constitute a tour) based on an article by the self-proclaimed Diner Junkie of Brooklyn in which she ranks the Bridgeview as having the best “diner burger” in all of Brooklyn. What I should have considered is that saying best diner burger is a lot like saying best baloney sandwich. It can be a wonderful thing when you’re in the mood, and it’s nice to be able to eat without having to use your teeth, but it it’s still just a baloney sandwich. In short, my disappointment with the Bridgeview burger is mainly a product of my own bloated (pun intended) expectations.

It had been years since I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing a NY diner. The pink marble walls, chrome accents, and mirrors engraved with the Verrazano Bridge provided a comfortably familiar atmosphere. We sat down in a corner booth and began pouring over the comically extensive menu (nothing unusual for a diner; it’s about 8 pages, not including the daily specials – next time I might get the clams casino with a side of pickled herring). I checked out the burger selection and after considering the diner’s namesake, I opted for the standard bacon cheeseburger, cooked medium (I’m a medium-rare guy, but for some reason didn’t feel 100% comfortable ordering that here). After placing our orders, we were treated to a decidedly diner-esque appetizer of pickles and cole slaw, which kept us occupied while we waited for the main course. From here, there’s really no need to go into much detail. The burger size and ratio to bun were fine, but it was a little overcooked and topped with some fairly chewy bacon. The grocery store bun looked a little flimsy at first but held strong until the end, though my brother couldn’t say the same about his. I don’t have enough diner burger experience to say whether this one is particularly good or bad, but I don’t suspect most people are ordering burgers here anyway (again, clams casino).

Here’s the Beef: Perhaps the Bridgeview wasn’t the best choice for the first stop on my burger tour, and I really expected too much from it. All in all, this is a pretty standard diner that does a lot of things really well and is probably better know for its omelets and pancakes. NYC Burger Tour Part 2 will include some local spots better known for turning out quality burgers (Skinflints and the Dram Shop are on deck), so keep an eye out for those next month.

BURGER: Wouldn’t be fair to rate it.

ESTABLISHMENT: Either a 3 or a 8, depending on how much you love marble columns and Greek guys dressed in suits.

Phil’s Tavern, Blue Bell – 931 Butler Pike, Blue Bell, PA 19422 (Find it!)

At the tail end of a rather benign yet enjoyable holiday weekend, I was headed out to see District 9 (go see this movie as soon as possible) and decided to add in a little culinary adventure. I have read in local newspapers and heard from co-workers that Phil’s Tavern in Blue Bell, PA is home to one of the best cheeseburgers in the metro area. Never one to shy away from a good recommendation, and considering I would be in the area that day anyway, I gave it a shot. And while it wasn’t the most thrilling experience in my gastronomical career, Phil’s does succeed in serving a tasty burger in a rather comfortable atmosphere.

My first thought upon entering the restaurant is that I had been there before. I haven’t as far as I know; it’s just that Phil’s Tavern has a very familiar atmosphere. A perfect combination of every sports bar and family restaurant you’ve ever been to. On one side, a small carpeted seating area with a big-screen TV (old-school style) as the centerpiece. On the right, a bar. Nothing special really, just a bar. Adorning the walls are paintings of Philadelphia icons circa 1987: Rocky,  an unidentified 76er, something about the Phillies. The perfect home base for a Philly suburbanite. Not exactly my cup of tea, but it was a nice change of pace from the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles and the sometimes overbearing crowds at places like the Royal or Eulogy Tavern. But enough about the setting. I came for beef.

Starting a burger blog has made ordering a breeze at most restaurants. All I need to is check the cheese options. This provided an especially gratifying bonus at Phil’s because their menu could put many NY diners to shame. Oddly enough, they didn’t offer a cheese option. Meh, I could live with that. I went for the Deluxe Cheeseburger Special, medium-rare. When the platter arrived, I was pleased to see a perfectly sized 10-12oz patty of hand-formed ground chuck. The burger itself had picture-perfect crisscrossing grill marks worthy of a “Beef-It’s What’s for Dinner” commercial. The LTO were piled nicely on the side but the lettuce was shredded, making it difficult to place on the burger. Again, I can live with it. The kaiser roll (something I haven’t had at a restaurant since… I don’t think ever) it sat upon was a little small, but had a layer of cheese on top and bottom to help seal out most of the juice and keep it from disintegrating. The irony is that this innovative and visually appealing cheese shield overpowered the burger and inhibited what otherwise could have been a stellar offering. The eating experience was very enjoyable, albeit a bit of a mess. The kaiser roll was firm enough to hold together almost to the very end, but just soft enough to not cut the roof of my mouth (I cannot think of a more infuriating paradox than a delicious food that injures you while you eat it). The burger patty had the perfect thickness and texture, making the Excessive Cheese Situation (great band name) all the more disappointing. There was enough burger in each bite for me to detect the deliciously simple and lightly seasoned ground chuck flavor, but the chesse realyl got in the way. My only other gripe was the inconsistency of the cooking. One half of the patty was a perfect medium-rare, the other a perfect medium. Still altogether satisfying, but something tells me this wasn’t the kitchen’s best offering.

Here’s the Beef: I believe it when people say this is one of the best burgers in the area, and I can’t help but think I was there on an off day. Next time a movie is part of my weekend plans, I just might carve out an extra hour to stop at Phil’s first. With a little less cheese and more consistent cooking, this burger could easily be in my all-time favorites. As for the scene, I can’t say I’d be back anytime soon just to hang out. But I may eventually become a suburbanite myself, at which point I wouldn’t have a problem making Phil’s my second home.

BURGER: 7.5 out of 10.

ESTABLISHMENT: 7 out of 10